Rylanders UK Chapter Meeting

Banbury, Saturday 13th December 1997

In the twilight approaching 5pm the Garys and myself were waiting at the foot of the Banbury Cross. As this memorial is now actually a traffic island, we were getting strange looks from the passing cars. We had read all the inscriptions on the Cross (built 18something as a replica of the original one destroyed 16something "in a time of religious intolerance") and were wondering what to do next. On the dot of 5pm, Rob appeared from nowhere and announced that he desperately needed to buy a comb. As Gary Mk2 used his own comb continually to keep his quiff in position, we hunted around for a suitable shop, and for a bank.

Rob was hungry. He had told us that he had come on his bike, but it was not until now that we realised he meant a pedal cycle not a motorbike. As he had cycled something over 80 miles, it was no surprise he was peckish. We crept furtively into McDonalds : Rob was concerned that his daughter might discover his indiscretion and blame him for the state of the planet. We reassured him : Gary Mk3 looked anonymous enough in his shades, and how could Rob's daughter possibly detect where he had been? Over a quick snack we swapped tales of frustration in our business lives.

As it approached 6pm we returned to the Cross to check for any late-comers, then made our way back to what we had selected as our start point for the evening. Ye Olde Rein Deer Inn, 16th century home of the Knight family, turned out to be a good choice. The beer was from Hook Norton brewery, and we each downed a couple of pints of their Best Bitter, deciding it was sensible to start at the lower end of the alcohol content. Gary Mk1 told us of his exploits in the Cub Scouts, his angelic looks giving no suggestion of the life he was destined to lead. We started the discussion of our musical tastes and heroes that remained at the core of the evening. Convivial though the Rein Deer was, they served no meals, so we left before the liquid diet took its toll.

Food was provided by Ye Olde Pizza Hut, 20th century home of the Global family. Though their Boddingtons were bottled and twice the price of anywhere else that night, the pizza was good. However, I discovered the following day that the Sicilian pizza contains enough garlic to cause comment for a good 24 hours. Asked to leave the Pizza Hut because Gary Mk4 was scaring the kids having a birthday party, we moved on to the main reason for selecting Banbury as a venue for the first meeting of the UK Chapter.

Rylands has the perfect name for a meeting. It is a pity that this is not matched by anything else. Its colour scheme is a loud turquoise. Its clientel were equally loud, though not quite so green. We snatched halves of Boddington and left. However, I first kidnapped a poster to inform you all of Ryland's plans for New Years Eve. Forget Buena Vista Social Club and everything else on the Ry WWW site. It's Chuckletruck, Oxfordshire's leading showband, who are "not for the faint hearted", apparently.

We next headed for The White Lion, another 16th century pub recommended by a friend. Unfortunately he can't have dropped by since the 16th century, as we found you have to be half our age and willing to shout above the disco. A neighbouring inn, the name of which I have conveniently forgotten, seemed a good alternative, but it turned out to be the Banbury Irish pub, and unpopular even with the Irish. Not that I have anything against Irish pubs, as anyone who has found my Mad O'Rourkes WWW pages will understand. It was just that the few customers seemed determined to drink even more than your dedicated representatives. We left when Gary Mk5 complained loudly about the piped music.

Inevitably we returned to the back room of Ye Olde Rein Deer, and stepped up the ABV scale to pints of Old Hooky. By now it was very busy, but we carved out a corner and continued our musical discussions. How could we match the jamming climaxes of the US meetings? The Garys were uncharacteristically quiet, and both myself and Rob had (wisely) left our instruments at home. It turned out that we both had sung in public in the past, but my suggestion that we should take to the streets and sing Christmas carols to raise funds for the evening was politely deflected.

I raised the awkward topic of a commemorative photograph. The Garys were keen enough and jostled for position, but Rob was concerned whether he could sit upright for the duration of the flash. However, the needs of the List won through. A nearby couple were enlisted as photographers, though she wisely decided that this would be a good time for a visit to the Ladies and left the honour to her significant other. Luckily he was impressed that his handiwork would be placed on the Internet and was keen to play his part. Gary Mk2 and Gary Mk3 helped to prop up Rob, and we kept our upper lips suitably stiffened while the rest of the pub pretended that this behaviour was perfectly natural.

According to our initial plans there should have been more of us. One had an unfortunate event in his car. Another's wife had a late request to speak at a Conference. One was called away when his father had a stroke. Luckily we were accompanied by the five incarnations of our Mr Magic, the only problem being that whenever it was time for his/their round, he/they always said "Later". (Sorry for that slur on your character, Gary. And for all the other jokes at your expense. For anyone who has come in mid-way through the saga, if you examine photographs of the US Chapter meetings you will find a mask of my own face constructed by Gary. Revenge, so they say, is sweet).

The event recorded on film, we decided to call it a night and headed back to our respective lodgings. An enjoyable night had been had by all. We had drunk the health of absent friends on the List. We had swapped RPC stories, and discussed favourite albums. We had exchanged recommendations of other performers and explored areas where our musical interests had overlapped. We had each found new friends and parted with the pledge to "do it again some time". When we do "do it again", it would be good to see a few more faces. But if not, I have a few more Garys who could come along to add even more versions of the same face!

Congratulations on reaching the end..... Dave Mellor